How Do You Grieve?

Awareness and how well we know our loved ones can help us to grieve better.

Image by Annelise Lords

I accompanied an older female to the clinic for her regular checkup. After getting her number and waiting for her to call to be registered, we sat in a line of blue chairs inside. A female came and sat in front of us. After telling us good morning, she sat down and began to do the puzzle in the Daily Star.

A few minutes later, a male and a female came in, sandwiching her.

“You have an appointment,” she asked, folding the Star and putting it into her bag.

“No, Karen, we don’t,” the female informs her.

“You know that Glen, Kora’s husband, died, right?” the male to her right reminds her.

With furled brows, she said, “I am not an undertaker, Andrew.”

They glanced at each other in confusion, then the female explained, “When Carl, your husband, died after more than thirty years of marriage, you handled your grief well. You live as if nothing bad had happened in your life.”

She shrugged her shoulders, nodding in confusion.

Andrew adds, “Well, Kora needs help handling her grief like you did.”

Nodding in understanding, she asked, “How well does she know her husband?”

Looking at each other again, Andrew asked, perplexed, “What do you mean?”

Grinning, she turned to the female and said, “Penelope, you handled your mother’s death like I handled Paul’s.”

“But her mother was horrible,” Andrew said. “Are you saying that Paul was, too?”

“You thought he was perfect?” she asked.

“But you said nothing to us about him,” Andrew said.

“Your mouths are like CNN and the Associated Press that can start WWIII. I didn’t want any of you in my personal business so that you can broadcast it to everyone,” she notified them.

“I wouldn’t have told anyone,” Andrew defends his manhood.

“You are worse than Penelope,” she points to the female. “You often forget you are a man and keep using your mouth like a weapon.”

Silence roars as he pouts, mumbling expletives.

“For more than thirty years, you pretended all was well?” Penelope asked, cutting the tension in half.

Nodding, she explained, “None of our lives is perfect. Good and evil make up the world, and we learn to live with balance. He was good sometimes, but became hateful as he got older. I took the time to know him. Yes, I accommodated a lot of crap. Knowing him from his heart, mind, and soul allows me to move on, and doesn’t allow grief to impede my life.”

“He was so horrible that you can move on without guilt and regret?” Andrew asks in shock.

“Depending on how they treat us, our knowledge of them, and how they live, shows us how to grieve,” Penelope interjects.

“The kindness and love are measured against the cruelty and thoughtlessness they add to our lives, and that determines how we grieve,” Karen explained.

“So, how you handle what was done to you helps make grief bearable?” Andrew asked.

They both nodded.

“So, if you decided to use one bad choice to cover 99 good ones, you will feel less pain?” Andrew’s brain went into uncharted waters.

They both turned and gave him a look that could have sliced him into many pieces.

He said before they could respond, “All of us grieve differently, and sometimes we use pain to get rid of pain.”

“Did it work out well for you?” Karen’s anger demands.

He swayed his head and turned to Penelope, “So, because your mother was horrible to you, her death didn’t cause any damage to you in any way.”

Nodding, Penelope answered, “I knew my mother. The only thing I had to thank her for was life. So, awareness became the best tool for me to use. Think deeply about your life. We don’t miss the ones who are cruel to us. Life doesn’t flow that way.”

“So, our knowledge of how they live, and what they contribute to our lives, along with how they treat us, is what you use to determine grief?”

“Yes,” both females said in unison.

Damn, everything that just transpired here makes sense. Knowing your loved ones and what they contribute to your life is the best tool to help with dealing with grief.

Life is so simple if many of us put more thought into it. Our loved ones will remember how we lived after we are gone.

If your heart could speak, what would it say?

Humans are imperfect, but live a good life, leaving something good behind, allowing your loved ones to grieve appropriately.

Thank you for reading this piece. I hope you enjoyed it.